After my last blog titled: Kill the Bull, I felt there may need to also be some further development of the “what now” application. The reality is that without the aid of the Lord and a community of people around you, Killing the Bull (getting rid of sinful lust) will be impossible. We need to ask for the empowerment to desire the shotgun, then we need the strength to shoot the mangy animal (read the first blog before venturing further). We also need community and an eye on the prize.
When I say we need community, I mean we need same gender soldiers beside us fighting the good fight with us, encouraging us, challenging us and questioning us. This should never become what some “accountability groups” have become where you come in and this happens:
Guy #1: “Well dudes, I looked at porn again. I’m sorry”
Guy #2: “I know brother, this thing is hard. Get em next time partner!”
Group: “Yeah, next time!”
What happens there is group acceptance of the issue. There is no challenge, there is no real working on the issue, just a group of guys with the same struggle chatting about it. We need to be in each other’s faces. We need to challenge each other to confess to our spouses if we have them and we need to be calling, texting or emailing often to check in. We don’t need to shame people, but challenge.
Eye on the Prize
When I discuss this, I know this may be hard to reach-especially for the currently un-married, but it is something I believe that is God-given. We have two “prizes” to keep our eyes on and when we keep our eyes on these prizes in the way I will describe, the bull becomes as attractive as a two-ton elephant stricken with sores. The two prizes are: God and your Bride (speaking specifically to men).
We are to pursue God with everything we have, as you would a girl you were supremely interested in. Pursuing God allows us to shut out the dumb lies the enemy desires to trip us up with and to focus on God Himself. He is our portion and he is our life. The desire for the Bull, in many cases is simply a misplaced desire for a connection to our Abba. It is a craving for intimacy, it is a deep desire to be loved and is a seemingly “quick” answer to a deep down ache of the soul. Much of sexual temptations finds its power in the myth of total intimacy. We are all wired and created for intimacy, yet in our broken world, true intimacy that touches us to our core is hard to come by and sadly is not preached about in many churches. True intimacy with God is holistically fulfilling, it satisfies us deep down. Too often though, we come to God as a vending machine or as something that we “have” to do rather than a person we get to know. He is a prize. Pursue God deeply and with all of who you are and watch how your are more apt to shooting the Bull whenever he reveals his ugly head.
Next, we are to pursue our brides and desire them to be our “standard of beauty”. We need to raise them up as the standard by which we judge what is beautiful and what is not. Our eyes, thoughts and hearts should be consumed with them; when a woman pops into our heads it should be them we think of. Time ebbs and flows yet our love for them should remain constant and the only way to make this a reality is submission to the Lord and a deep desire to love your bride and to love her well. There is no half commitment in marriage. We should never be “looking for a way out” but rather looking for a way to always make it better. As men, we are leaders. If change needs to happen (in attitude or perspective), we own our part and change first and we remain loving and in love with our brides even if they do not change. This takes prayer and humility as well as a willingness to be wrong. Women need to feel pursued, this causes them to feel loved and desired. When we cease the pursuit their hearts wonder if we love them still. When we look other places they wonder if we think them beautiful or worth it still at all.
Their broken hearts then come at us in the home in ways that go against our love language of being respected. The cycle then spirals; we feel rejected so we look other places for the intimacy we crave from a woman. They then sense this distance increase, so they further the disrespect. Pretty soon we are all out of wack and our Bride seems lightyears away. We being the leaders must act first. We need to grow up and lead well, not continuing the cycle of being lazy men who wait on the women to change first.
To those unmarried or not engaged, this becomes tougher to grasp, but if you would pursue God as you would pursue a woman you’d like to marry and make Him the object of your affection and intimacy, you’d be surprised how His Spirit gives you the uncanny ability to then do that with your wife when you are married.
Men, let’s KILL the BULL!