One of the things I love most about God is that he calls the junk out of your heart. I’ve been on quite a spiritual journey these past few days, which all started with 1. a sleepless night and 2. a book.
In the past two years, when God has been speaking to me it has been through: His Word or a book by some Christian author. This has been a good thing for me because in my Spiritual journey up until about 2.5 years ago, I never read much(except for classes…but really, I never REALLY read). God in His sovereignty has been using books to Sanctify me through and through (1 Thes. 5:23 NIV or “sanctify me completely 1 Thes. 5:23 ESV). Some of you have asked me: “why do you read so much” and my answer is because that is a place where I meet with God.
Back to the point…God has been teaching me a lot about myself these past few days. One night (as mentioned above) I just couldn’t sleep. I was tired, but my heart kept being tugged by God. He was challenging me, forcing me to do some introspection (which isn’t always fun or pretty). He kept calling me to examine who I am, what I’m about and how I got there.
He then called me to do something new for me (which is between Him and me). God cleansing me and healing me through it.
God loves me (and you) so much that He desires to call out the junk in our lives. Here’s what He’s doing in me:
The book I’m reading that is ripping me up is called: Fathered By God by John Eldredge. The premise is that there are () stages in a man’s masculine journey that make him a man. They are: Boyhood; Cowboy; Warrior; Lover; King and finally Sage.
Each stage has its own things that God has pulled out of me, but the most significant are the Warrior and Lover (in particular the Lover).
First, God is a WARRIOR (Exodus 15:3 NIV) (or “Man of War” ESV)! He has given us men a desire to wage war, to fight battles to conquer and to subdue. I have noticed that the warrior inside of me has not been fighting the battles set before me. I’ve been taking temptations and circumstances as problems to overcome rather than battles to fight and WIN with the help of My Father and King. Eldredge says that a Warrior stops fighting and loses heart when he begins to forget who His King is and who/what he’s fighting for.
I desire to fight and Win the battles that are set before me. I want to train with the King and defeat that which may get in my way of doing His will.
The Warrior thing is easy for me to connect to, so when I was reading about it, I was convicted then converted to change.
It’s the Lover one I had the most difficult time with. Stay with me if you’re getting a bit bored…this is where God has really been working in me, changing me and challenging me…so perk up your eyeballs…
I realized that I have not allowed myself to see when God is wooing, pursuing and loving me. I have been able to “cognitively” understand that God loves me. I’ve read about it, I’ve sung about it but I haven’t FULLY grasped that God is a Lover and has created me to be a Lover too.
This is not as Mark Driscoll calls it “a Prom date Jesus” statement or idea, it is an honest look at the Masculine God. God is a Warrior, God is a Cowboy God is King, God is a Sage and God is a Lover. He made this world as a gift. The Bible is a letter of love, and a letter of pursuing. God has been chasing my heart and I have failed to see it.
His love notes are in my sons eyes, my sons smiles, my wife’s hugs and in my cats affectionate hair gel cleaning. God’s love notes are also in the wind…that gentle breeze that comes at the perfect time, that cooling rain when the sun is just too darn scorching. God’s love is also in trial and hard times. Sometimes those are battles that the Warrior in us must fight, but in the end, we are closer to God because of that trial.
For the longest time, this concept alluded my heart. I got it in spurts, but never have I allowed it to capture me the way it has been recently. There is tons of junk in my heart, left over baggage, battle scars from many, many defeats. Yet, God, the Lover pursues me with all His being…because He loves me.
This brought me to another realization (if you’re still with me)…I am a tool used by God to be the Lover that He is to my family! Being that I am God’s image bearer, he can and will use me to pursue His daughter’s heart (Hilary’s Heart). He can and will use me to pursue his sons heart (MJ’s Heart). So, when I am not loving them the way I should, I am not being the Lover I should be, nor am I portraying the Lover He is for them.
God has been teaching me a lot recently. There is more and maybe I will get the urge to write them…for right now though I’m tired and feel I have give you the raw, real skinny on what God has been teaching me…What’s God been doing in you??