I’ve been highlighting my weaknesses lately. It’s not because I’m sadistic and love to hurt myself emotionally online or anything…it’s because when I write them down, it forces me to deal with them. Not only do I now know they’re there, but all of blogosphere knows too and for some reason I feel like my telling my weaknesses makes me accountable some how. It may sound wack a doodledo or something, but to me it makes sense. This blog is yet another run-in with the weak vessel that is me.
I have a tendency to be a know it all…especially when it comes to the Bible. My arrogance is fed by the fact that: I was a Bible quizzer, I went to Bible College, I took Bible classes, I listen to sermons online, I am a pastor, I got ordained, and I read my Bible. This in my tiny pee-sized mind makes me actually think I understand the nuances of the entire Bible.
Yea, I know pretty pathetic, huh? Well, I didn’t quite realize how bad it was (it was a TON worse before…sadly) until two people in the same day called me out. The first was my boss, he noticed in a meeting that although I had good things to say, I was the person who had the “I know and I won’t listen to your side” type of attitude when discussing a Biblical matter. That made me think a bit…but obviously not enough.
This is the ouch, because the second person was my wife. We were doing our nightly devotions together and she began discussing with me what she’s been learning in Bible Study about Esther. Before I contiune let me say this: I have merely read through Esther and know the storyline…that’s all.
Hilary began to go deep with what she was learning and I kept saying things like: “yea, I know”; “Oh you learned that, cool, I knew that” and other such STUPID sayings. She stopped talking about Esther and said these harsh (but true words). “Marvin, I guess you wrote the Bible, maybe in a past life or something because I can’t tell you anything about the Bible because you act as if you know the whole thing!”
Well, let’s just say that was a huge OUCH! I had been hit with the same sin…twice in one day! I was acting as if I was the be all end all with Biblical knowledge, it even affected a GREAT time in which my wife was excitedly sharing with me her heart and what God was teaching her through the Scriptures.
The Holy Spirit immediately convicted me of my sin and I repented to Hilary. I asked her a hard question. I asked: “When did you notice I was getting bad like this again” and she said: “Right after your ordination”.
That stung too, because I worked hard for 2 years to get ordained, I took tests, wrote papers and read tons of books and Systematic Theology to earn my “Reverand” title.
However, no matter how hard I worked for it…the title doesn’t matter nor does it make me more of a “Biblical genius”. I let a good thing make me prideful and cause me to think more highly of myself that I ought…which the Bible says NOT to do (Romans 12:3).
All this to say that my weakness of arrogance has once again cropped up. I am aware that I am nothing without Christ, but I don’t always live that way. Lord, forgive me! I hope that the Good Lord sees it in His heart to continue to break me of my pride.