Last night, I went on a date with my wife. No, she was not the date from hell, the date was just horrible due to circumstances.
We left our house with Hilary’s mom watching MJ at 5:30pm and headed to the Farmer’s Market in East Park next to ACAC (our church, where I’m a Youth Pastor).
On our way, I got a text saying I needed to check my voicemail, because the person who owned the property we were going to have Barnyard Blowout at needed to talk to me. I figured “No problem, I’m going right next to the church, this’ll be a breeze!”
When we got to the church, I realized I didn’t have my keys, because Sally (Hilary’s mom) wanted us to drive her car on our date so we could fill it with gas. Not only did I forget my keys, but the church was locked and there wasn’t a receptionist at the desk (which never happens…).
So…we decided to go to the Farmer’s Market and I would get in later before we left. Later came and after about 7 minutes tracking down keys, we get in and I check the voicemail, try to call two numbers, with no luck. What could I do? Nothing, so we went on our date anyways.
We had a $50 gift cert. which I got for my birthday to Longhorn Steakhouse, Olive Garden and Red Lobster. I’m a seafood HATER and a meat lover, so I decided we should go to Longhorn.
Which one: Cranberry, or Robinson? We figured we’d go to Cranberry because Fed Ex didn’t drop off a package at our house which was Hilary’s Verizon gift of a computer and the store they took the package to for the weekend was in Cranberry.
We forgot the GPS and have barely been in Cranberry…so of course we got lost, typed in the Fed Ex address into out Google Maps on our phones and eventually get there.
The time is now freakin 7:30pm and we still haven’t eaten, my wife has to go pee really bad and we have just picked up our computer.
We type in “Longhorn Steakhouse” into our phone and we ended up gallivanting all across the entirety of Cranberry. We couldn’t for the life of us find the Longhorn that was supposedly 1.4 miles away…for 30 minutes!
Remember, Hilary has to pee, our son is at home, I’m driving my mother-in-laws car and we are both starving out of our gord! While driving to find the Longhorn..out jumps a 5 point buck.
I slam on the break, jerk around the Farmer’s Market stuff as well as the computer…not to mention our necks!
We are ticked, hungry and still without a bathroom.
Finally we give up finding a Longhorn in Cranberry,
hop onto Interstate 79 and go to Mcknight Road, because Hilary remembered a Longhorn.
To top off our AMAZING DATE, the Longhorn that was, is no longer…it was closed down for good. I see a Taco Bell across the parking lot and we pull in so Hilary can go potty.
We decided we are going to Applebees in the end and we get home at 9:30pm.
On our way to leave the parking area at Applebee’s on McKnight, I pull out a wee bit to look left to make sure we’re not going to get crushed, when a car flies out of nowhere and honks the horn so loud and so long I thought an elephant was making its mating call to me.
We evetually pull out unscathed and pull up behind the elephant mating wannabee. He is too slow coming off the light so I (in a not so Christian/Pastoral way) honk at him to get moving.
His girlfriend then sticks like half her body out of the car, turns around and flicks me off. I generously ignore this aweful action of immaturity and attempt to pass him so we can cease these shanagins and get home to my son.
He of course proceeds to cut me off and we are still in this game of High School drama. Finally We get passed them and I look over at his girlfriend making out with the window flashing me the bird. A super adult action, which I again pastorally ignore. Finally we get home and all is well.
Near death experiences, awful directions, rough terrain when a person needs to urinate, stupid restaurant closings, and weird elephant maters all add up to be the worst date a person could have!
But on the bright side, I had my wife there to experience it with me…and we’re still married!!! God is good…even in the crazy times 🙂